Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Been a while....

Yes, it's been a while since I posted anything here....just got caught up in life I suppose. I've also noticed that it's been a while since I've been "Suzanne". I was thinking the other day about my life pre-husband and pre-kids. What were my worries? What were my concerns? What did I DO???!!!!??? I had to get the pick-axes out and really dig deep into my memories....even though I've only been married for 5 years and have had kids for 3.5, it really is difficult to remember life BEFORE all that.

Oh yes! I remember, I was JUST Suzanne. I wasn't "wife", "honey", "mom", "mommy", "Mrs. Suzanne".....I was just Suzanne. Wow, I wonder what that feels like - to not have any of those labels attached to me. I remember after college, I was living at home (saving money), I had a great job as an assistant buyer, I bought a bright yellow Beetle and came and went wherever I desired to come and go. I ate what I wanted (which was fairly healthy), went shopping when I wanted to, read books without being interrupted, went to concerts, went out with friends, went running, went to the gym, visited friends and family, and watched TV. Wow. I can't really imagine doing any of those things now - well, not without dragging children along and coordinating work schedules with the hubby. I actually did things for myself, I had time to think, people didn't expect the world from me. Imagine that!

So what did I worry about if it wasn't:
"What am I going to make for dinner?"
"Will the kids nap well for me today?"
"I have to go grocery shopping."
"Does my husband still think I'm attractive?"
"How can I get to church,the grocery store,get gas, AND get the kids to take a nap?"
"Can't we just order pizza for dinner?"
"Man, there's a lot of laundry to do."
"This place is a WRECK!"
"Dinner, I have to think of something to make for dinner."
"Ugh, I should make the bed."
"Maybe we can do Chinese for dinner."
"What music are we playing in church on Sunday?"
"Should I eat this or should I be good?"
"Am I a good wife?"
"Are my kids watching too much television?"
"I look fat in this."
"Am I drinking too much coffee?"
"Should I send my kids to private school, public school, or home school?"
"Am I a good mother?"
"What, oh WHAT will I make for dinner?"
"Am I being a good example for the teens at church?"
"Where's my OTHER SHOE?!?!?"
"Am I on the computer too much?"
"I need to pray more."
"Will the laundry pile EVER recede????!!!"
"WHAT DO I MAKE FOR DINNER???!!! WILL SOMEONE ELSE DECIDE FOR ME PLEEEEAAASE???!!"

So what did I worry about before all this? Well, for certain, I still worried about where my other shoe was, I've always had trouble keeping them together. But seriously, what did I worry about? I guess I worried about getting married and having kids. So...I worried about having the life I have now. Interesting.

I love being "wife", "honey", "mom", "mommy", "Mrs. Suzanne", and even "ma'am"....but sometimes I just want to be "Suzanne". The other day I went to the mall all by myself,(after a very very very very difficult day) and reflected on all of these things. I suppose it's just part of the ever-changing cycle of life. But once in a while, I don't want to HAVE to do anything but be ME. So I think I'm gonna do that, schedule some "SUZANNE TIME", not "me time", not "mommy time", but SUZANNE TIME. How about once a month? I think that's doable. Afterall, my name IS Suzanne, and I AM a person, not just a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, and church goer. I am Suzanne, hear me roar....no wait.....hear me sneak out the back door and go somewhere all by myself.

41 comments:

Rebecca said...

I was just thinking about this very topic the other day. Although now I can't imagine my life without the family I have. What would I do if I was unattached in so many ways? I don't think I could do it. Me time is always a must. Somehow I manage to make it happen. Even if it's 30 min. I love your list... and dinner ugg. So many hats on our heads. We aught to be paid for this kind of job right! Cheers to YOU time! You deserve it!

Rebecca said...

oh and warning... don't click on the ........ in the first comment it said something like sexy beast and foreign wording :-o eek.
Cheers

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楊儀卉 said...

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